"I have finished the court case and I have decided that now is not the right time for you to see your Mum" - Judges writing letters to children could become the norm

When a Court is asked to determine matters relating to a child, the central legal principle is that the child’s welfare is of paramount importance. Accordingly, the entire Court process is designed to focus on assessing what course of action is in the child’s best interests. A central part of that is ensuring that the child’s wishes and feelings are heard, which if they are old enough usually means them speaking with a social worker who then reports back to the Court (although other methods can be used, such as the child writing a letter to the judge).

However, whilst the child is central to the Court process, at the conclusion of the proceedings there is no formal mechanism to communicate the outcome to the child or help them process what will come next. Although they will have voiced their wishes and feelings one way or another, they will not receive a response. In the case of a child who has written to the Court, that can literally mean their letter goes unanswered. This can often be difficult for children, especially where a very significant change has been imposed on their day to day life without them understanding why or how that has come about. Parents are unlikely to be well placed or equipped to support a child in this context, given the circumstances. 

Therefore, in a handful of cases, judges have taken matters into their own hands and written short letters to children about the outcome of their case, such as in the case of Ms D v Mr D [2022] EWFC 164 and more recently in the case of Mother v Father [2024] EWFC 252 (B). Anecdotally, this practice appears to have been on the increase in recent years. Now, the President of the Family Division (Sir Andrew McFarlane) has published a ‘toolkit’ to assist judges in writing letters to children. The guidance was developed with the Family Justice Young People’s Board based upon consultative work they have undertaken, which included speaking to children who had been the subject of legal proceedings. In his press release, the President has said that it is “important for the young person in understanding that their wishes and feelings have been taken into account by the court, and in supporting them to accept or make sense of the decision as they move forward with their life thereafter” and that he hopes to make “the sending of a short letter from the judge the norm”.

This is an encouraging step. As noted above, children are placed front and centre during the Court process so why should that change at perhaps the crucial point in the proceedings – the outcome? Moreover, a range of research has documented the inherent harm of involving children in parental conflict and the Court process more generally. Any steps that can be taken to help children better understand and cope with parental disputes are to be welcomed. 

The power of a few simple words have the potential to transform radically a child’s understanding of the court process, their relationship with their parents and their own identity as a child of separated parents. Reproduced below is the letter sent by HHJ Suh in the case of Mother v Father [2024] EWFC 252 (B) to the four children in that case (aged 9, 11, 13 and 14),  which demonstrates just how much power a few words can have.  

Dear [names redacted],

Thank you for writing to me. I heard loud and clear that you do not want to see your Mum and you want people to stop bothering you. I take what you say seriously. I respect your views. Your welfare is my number one concern.

Your Mum and Dad came to court. Your Dad told me that he would not force you to see your Mum and that your views should be respected. Your Mum told me how much she loves you and wants to be in your life. [redacted] suggested that each of you could have an e-mail address and your Mum could write to you once a month and then it is up to you whether you read it and when. 
 
I have finished the court case and I have decided that now is not the right time for you to see your Mum face to face. I do think that it is best for you if she sends you a message every month to your e-mail addresses and then it is up to you if you want to read it. Your Dad must make sure that you can read those e-mails whenever you want to. I have made an order that places a hurdle in the way of your Mum coming to court again during the next 3 years. I would look at what she says if she comes back to court. If things have changed, I could give her permission to start a new court case. One of the things that might change is if one of you tell her that you would like to see her. If things have not changed, I will not let her start a new court case.

I have listened to your voices and have put you first in making this decision. The e-mails that your Mum is allowed to send are like a bridge towards a relationship with her if you want it. It is up to you whether you cross that bridge and decide to see her in future.

You only ever get one Mum in your life. She loves you all so very much and misses a relationship with you greatly. She has had a difficult time and things have not been easy for her. "Well, things have not been easy for us", you might say. You are right. Both of those things are true. But I want you to know that you are loved by your Mum. She is not perfect. None of us are. But you should know that she came to court not to upset you but because she genuinely does not want to lose the possibility of a relationship with you. I am clear that the choice of whether you want that relationship to develop, and when, is yours.

I wish you all the very best in the future.

With best wishes,
Her Honour Judge Suh